The Spoils of War
Ending a relationship can be tough and we’ve all been there at least once (go fuck yourself high school sweethearts, the world doesn’t work like that any more). You’re sitting there wondering what went wrong, maybe it was me, maybe it was her or him depending on how you swing. Never the less the time has come to step back and reflect, reflect on the SPOILS OF WAR MOTHERFUCKERS!! No matter how long a relationship lasts, that loser walking away will always leave something precious behind. Guess what guys? Those panties hiding in your bed sheets, YOURS. That pair of fuck me boots left at your place, YOURS. For the ladies, when a guy leaves his adorable watch he loved so dearly, YOURS. Sell that watch and buy yourself a victory drink cause he’s not paying for that shit anymore. I once had an ex dump everything I gave her over the course of 6 months on the hood of my car while I was sleeping (Nike Fit band, 3 wolf howling moon t-shirt, some books and a watch). Being showered with a kings ransom so unexpectedly brought tears of sweet victory down my gorgeous face, it was like seeing old friends again. So rejoice my scorned lovers and always stay positive when your heart breaks, just keep saying to yourself “finders keepers you sorry ass bitch”.